Q Okay. One more. (Laughter.) Very quickly. You saw Governor Ron DeSantis with a resounding victory in Florida last night. Who do you think would be the tougher competitor: Ron DeSantis or former President Trump? And how is that factoring into your decision?
Don't wait to talk just because you're not sure what to say. You can keep it simple. You can start just by saying, "Got a minute? I need to talk." Then say what's on your mind. For example, "I've been feeling down a lot lately. I think I should talk to you about it." The person you're talking to might ask you to tell them more. Sometimes, that's all it takes to get started talking.
I Think I Spoke
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Even when you see a therapist, parents can still help in lots of ways. Talk with your parents about what you want their help with. Here are some of the things they can do. You might think of other things that aren't on this list. But this list can give you and your parent some ideas.
These things may seem simple, but they add up. They start to change the way you think and feel. They can lift your mood, and help you think better about yourself. They can help you and your parent feel close. Everything you try and do to help yourself feel better counts. It's worth the time you spend doing it.
I am from Britain and think it is right that as a woman I am paid the same as my male counterparts. I think it is right that I should be able to make decisions about my own body. I think it is right that women be involved on my behalf in the policies and decision-making of my country. I think it is right that socially I am afforded the same respect as men. But sadly I can say that there is no one country in the world where all women can expect to receive these rights.
"Spoke to" is more "at" people. It's less intimate and more abstract. "I spoke to the audience." "She spoke to the audience." "The police officer spoke to the class about safety rules." A parent might say to their child "Don't speak to me that way!" because they're speaking "at" them instead of "to" them.
The CEO of a major corporation told me that he often has to make decisions in five minutes about matters on which others may have worked five months. He said he uses this rule: If the person making the proposal seems confident, the CEO approves it. If not, he says no. This might seem like a reasonable approach. But my field of research, socio-linguistics, suggests otherwise. The CEO obviously thinks he knows what a confident person sounds like. But his judgment, which may be dead right for some people, may be dead wrong for others.
Research has shown that people who are more inclined towards thinking optimistically, are also more inclined towards positive self-talk and utilize more active coping strategies when faced with stressful situations and challenges (Iwanaga, Yokoyama, and Seiwa, 2004).
Before you can begin to use positive self-talk, you first need to identify how often and what type of negative thinking/self-talk you engage in. Once you understand this, you can make a start on retraining your thoughts.
To really move negative to positive self-talk, you need to think over why you had the thoughts in the first place and answer honestly about how true these thoughts are. A few questions to use for this final part of the exercise:
This activity has a very simple premise. It encourages young people to think more deeply about the negative self-talk they engage in, and whether they would use it when referring to a friend, or if a friend would use it to refer to them.
This worksheet is a fantastic tool for those who are new to journaling and want to make sure they find the real value in doing it. It incorporates five tables of prompts to encourage you to think positively about different aspects of your day. These prompts include:
This worksheet focuses more on the idea that when we use too much negative self-talk, we actually hold ourselves back from reaching for and achieving our goals. It can also prevent us from trying new things and allowing ourselves to undertake the activities we think we might enjoy.
The worksheet then includes some space for participants to write out their own individual scenarios or situations they may have been avoiding due to self-talk, and to repeat the worst-case versus best case thinking.
The Southern Poverty Law Center gathered hundreds of stories of everyday bigotry from people across the United States. They told their stories through e-mail, personal interviews and at roundtable discussions in four cities. People spoke about encounters in stores and restaurants, on streets and in schools. No matter the location or relationship, the stories echo each other.
And you stand there, in silence, thinking, "What can I say in response to that?" Or you laugh along, uncomfortably. Or, frustrated or angry, you walk away without saying anything, thinking later, "I should have said something."
When a Native American man at one roundtable discussion spoke of feeling ostracized at work, a Jewish woman nodded in support. When an African American woman told of daily indignities of racism at school, a white man leaned forward and asked what he could do to help. When an elderly lesbian spoke of finally feeling brave enough to wear a rainbow pin in public, those around the table applauded her courage.
She asks, "Why is that funny?" He laughs and says, "Don't you get it? It's the whole Jewish-cheap thing." She responds, "Well, I don't think it's funny." He says, "What do you care? You're not Jewish."
Focus on empathy. When a child says or does something that reflects biases or embraces stereotypes, point it out: "What makes that 'joke' funny?" Guide the conversation toward empathy and respect: "How do you think our neighbor would feel if he heard you call him a terrorist?"
Appeal to parental values. Call upon the principles that guided your childhood home. "Dad, when I was growing up, you taught me to treat others the way I wanted to be treated. And I just don't think that term is very nice."
"I felt ashamed for the rest of the meal and excused myself from joining them for some sightseeing afterward. Heading back to my dorm room, I just kept thinking about them laughing at me. That can't be good manners."
Apologize immediately. Save yourself the guilt by apologizing in the moment: "I don't know what I was thinking. I could make some excuses, but none would make up for telling such a sexist, tasteless 'joke.' I apologize and hope I haven't ruined this wonderful dinner."
The workplace often offers built-in grievance procedures, tied to policies or laws, which can be used to respond to some forms of everyday bigotry. You need not file a lawsuit to have such a policy be effective; many roundtable participants spoke of invoking such policies when speaking up, saying the mere mention carries weight.
Interrupt the laughter. "Why does everyone think that's funny?" Tell your co-workers why the "joke" offends you, that it feels demeaning and prejudicial. And don't hesitate to interrupt a "joke" with as many additional "no" messages as needed.
A woman writes, "A good-hearted liberal co-worker makes comments at staff meetings like, 'All Republicans are stupid,' or, 'All Republicans are this,' or 'All Republicans are that.' I'm a Democrat who agrees with her politics, but I think those comments are as offensive as someone saying 'All immigrants are lazy' or 'All Irish people are drunks.' Stereotyping is stereotyping. Short of saying, 'Some of my best friends are Republicans,' what can I do?"
A black high school student in Pennsylvania wears braids to school. Sitting in the cafeteria, some other black students speak loudly about her: "She really thinks she's black now." The student says she often is called "too white" by other black people.
"The point is to draw a line, to say, 'I don't want you to use that language when I'm around,'" Bob Carolla, spokesman for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. "Even if attitudes don't change, by shutting off bad behavior, you are limiting its contagion. Fewer people hear it or experience it."
As a board certified internist, I was reticent to tell anyone about my paranormal experiences after the death of my young son, Erik, in 2009, for fear of ostracism by my peers. After all, before those experiences, when someone spoke to me about psychics or mediums, it would conjure up the mental image of a Gypsy hunched over a crystal ball.
Are we hallucinating? Is it wishful thinking letting our imagination run wild? Because of this inner conflict, we usually keep these experiences to ourselves lest family or friends criticize us or back away with a wide-eyed stare.
One thing that can get in the way of your social success is when you have a soft or quiet speaking voice. Sure, not every soft-spoken person has a ton of problems, but all things being equal, you'll have a simpler time of things if your speaking voice is easy to understand. The same applies to similar issues like having a tendency to mumble, talk too quickly, or trail off. This article will cover the effects of having a quiet voice, the factors that can cause it, and what you can do if it affects you.
If you're soft-spoken you've probably run into problems such as:A quiet voice can obviously inhibit communication. Someone can't give you a proper response if they don't catch all of what you've said. Instead of asking you to repeat yourself, sometimes they'll pretend they've heard you and respond with a conversation killing, "Yeah..."
If you want to speak in a group conversation, especially a lively one, it's a lot harder to draw attention to yourself. If you get to speak it's more likely someone else will jump in and start talking over you.
It becomes close to impossible to make yourself heard and socialize in louder environments like dance clubs.
Being asked to repeat yourself may make you feel flustered, on the spot, and embarrassed.
Some people are a bit lazy and impatient and tend to take the path of least resistance in social situations. When they meet a quiet talker they may find it too much trouble to always have to try to make out what they're saying. Instead they'll move on to someone they have an easier time understanding.
Some people believe that meek, apprehensive individuals aren't worth knowing, and that if you speak in a quiet voice you fall into that category.
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